Hi! I was thinking about this space a few days ago, so I came here and read my posts to get a sense of what I was like in my younger days. Was I a weird and angsty teen or what.
Over the years, I've grown to be more at peace with things that happen around me (perhaps having lesser energy). I think I'm still a little weird, I just learned to be smarter about when I show it, probably. My writing style is still uncool and severely lacking in sophistication for a 21 year old as you will see in this post, what's different from the past is that I'm now aware of how bad my writing is.
I'm now 21, going on 22 this year and in my final year of uni as a psychology student. Cringeworthy as my older posts were, I'm glad some parts of my life had been documented on and off - a bulk of my teenage years would've vanished from memory if I hadn't recorded anything in my dumbass blog.
At least I had impeccable taste in blogskin designs. This current blogskin has been here since my secondary school days. I don't actually know how to edit html anymore so it helps that this skin is pretty.
Wow, 5 years huh. It's been an amazing journey getting to where I am right now.
I wasn't awarded student of the year in any of the 5 years I've been away from this space, neither have I gotten scholarships, earned my first million, nor am I receiving an endless stream of job offers from companies.
The only thing I've achieved I think, is the realisation that life is good to me and that I should live it well.
Just to bridge the gap from my last post in Jan 2011 till now May 2016 -
2011 and 2012 were spent in my junior college.
Didn't have the happiest education there mostly due to the stress from A levels. Probably the heaps of homework crushing my fingers and entire body made it impossible to blog during those years. I always wonder if things would've been better if I went to a different school as I wasn't enjoying my time there as much as I would've liked.
Those two years of my life made me realise that I should never regret anything ever - there will always be something good that comes out of a decision. If you lost something out of it, you gain a lesson.
I wasn't completely friendless there anyway, I actually made one or two friends whom I still keep in contact with today, which definitely means something given that several years have passed and we don't get to see each other on a daily basis in that convenient setting anymore. Heck my friends were so nice to me that on both years, they coordinated with the class to hold surprise birthday celebrations for me, and made me a giant birthday board containing photographs of us and a compilation of wishes from all the people I'd known in that school including CCA mates and acquaintances. That was actually the most touching thing any of my friends had ever done for me. I was also taught by a math teacher who had such a passion for teaching and genuine care for her students that she'd consistently schedule individual appointments with weaker students (me) to monitor their progress. When I was applying for uni she very kindly agreed to help me write a recommendation letter. I hope you're doing well, Mrs Lim.
I picked up tennis and had a number of fun teammates. We didn't hang out after we graduated, but I'll always remember the good times learning tennis together as most of us were beginners, which may not have been the case if I'd gone to another school.
I was actually in badminton for the first half of the year to participate in the national competition and I remember training was fun too as it was filled with interesting games and PT that the coaches thought of instead of the usual intensive drills.
Looking back, I probably should give the school a lot more credit than I have (I always breathe a deep sigh when people ask me about my jc years). It was with the credentials from my jc that I managed to get into the course I'd always wanted after all.
Yup, after A Levels I very thankfully scraped my way through just enough to enrol in a course I'd always wanted to study since I was in secondary school. I actually didn't know about this until days ago when I was packing my room and saw that I'd indicated "doctor for mental health" (wx seriously? if you wanted to be one you should probably have known what they were called) on a career planning sheet. It felt really nice that I'm doing something little me had dreamed of doing, there's a comforting sense of affirmation in that.
2013 - present, my uni life has been wonderful. Times that got me really down and also stressed out were aplenty, but it's the massive freedom that comes with a uni education that brings me to a much happier and peaceful state of mind. I'm the type of person that thrives in having freedom. It makes me feel like I'm trusted to be responsible with the time I'm given which urges me to be more productive with this time that I have. By productive I don't usually mean working on projects and studying for tests for hours on end (I never mean that), I mean having a more balanced life by allocating more time doing the things I enjoy, like playing multiple sports, pursuing my interests in music, making friends. In terms of academics, I'm doing surprisingly well for a long-standing underachiever and for that I'm overjoyed and hopeful. It does make a difference when you're studying something you're interested in.
2015 was my favourite year ever as I travelled to US on exchange and met such genuinely kind-hearted people. The experience substantially influenced my perspective on how to conduct myself as a person. I may not be as extroverted or have as great people skills as they do, but it's truly their inherent goodness that is an inspiration I'll carry with me for a lifetime.
I hope future wei xin who reads this is smiling, because even if you still haven't accomplished anything big the next time you chance upon this post, you should be proud of how far you've come. At the time when you were writing this, you've become a person who has learned to truly appreciate the value of living by not getting caught up in the chase for materialistic desires (working to get the most impressive resume, competing fiercely with your peers to secure a high-paying job before graduating etc). Your underachieverness has granted you with a laidback or to put nicely zen-like attitude on life where just being happy, kind, and self-fulfilled in your own ways is enough, and I hope you never change that about yourself.
Just to document a little something that made me happy today:
I congratulated my mentee after seeing her story on Snapchat where she said she'd won her basketball friendly match, and she took a screenshot of my encouragement. It gave me a warm fuzzy feeling knowing my words to her were something she wanted to document and remember, like how it gave me a warm fuzzy feeling when she asked if she could add me on the various social media platforms to never lose that connection after the programme ended. Taking up this mentoring opportunity was one of the wiser decisions I'd made in my life. It has been insightful, fulfilling and *eueurgh* just full of fuzzy feels. I miss the sensible, lovable kids.
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